Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
