Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
