im drinking this country out of the recession.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize