i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
