Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
