You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
