haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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