hotel room ftw
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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