I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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