Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
