I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
