Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
