You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
