i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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