my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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