xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
