I just threw up on my dentist
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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