I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we're making bets on your personal life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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