i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
