it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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