She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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