I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
