I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
