mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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