I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
