if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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