she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
