Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just gift wrapped bread.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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