Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
