dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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