took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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