i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
