I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize