Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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