gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize