I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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