I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
