he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
