The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
