i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
