My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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