Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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