just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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