I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
