Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
