I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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