Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
