A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
