So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How external is "for external use only"?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
