I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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