I can't watch pbs sober anymore
even my farts smell like vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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