i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize