have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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