In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
