i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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