Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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