she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
