Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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