please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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