just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please come you make the beer taste better
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
