I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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