I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
