How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
