Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
