I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
