So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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