ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
