Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
